The Planets Bend Between Us
by bruninhagalle
Summary: Set after episode 1x15. Kurt is sick of this distant and different Jane, especially after her vanishing act the day before. He goes to her safe house to both reassure himself she is still there and to get some answers out of her. Jeller all the way.
**A/N:** Hi, guys! Here I am again! All this angst on the show was prompting me to write something since its return so here we are now. I want my Jeller back! It's a roller coaster of feelings with those two. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving all this angst episodes. It'll make it even better when they eventually become canon but until there, they will drive us crazy. Just tell Kurt, Jane! I'm begging you, woman!

I hope you guys like this new story! The title comes from a Snow Patrol song. A special thanks to my amazing friend and beta reader **Thaís Christ**. I love you!

I'd love to hear what you guys thought about it!

* * *

 **The Planets Bend Between Us  
Jane & Kurt  
Angst/Romance**

* * *

" _I will race you to the waterside  
And from the edge of Ireland  
Shout out loud  
So they could hear it in America  
It's all for you."_

 _The Planets Bend Between Us - Snow Patrol_

* * *

 **Set after episode 1x15**

It was 3AM when her door bell rang. She cursed, getting up from the couch and throwing her blanket on the floor. Whoever it was, she hoped to God it wasn't about a new case. She needed to rest. She needed to forget all about the terrible day they all just had.

She really, _really_ needed to erase the image of Kurt bleeding from her mind before the next case, before the next time one of them might die because of her.

 _You did this to yourself._

Would it be acceptable asking Mayfair another day off? Would whoever Oscar was working with think she was bailing? Would they hurt Kurt?

She opened the door without thinking, without checking the peep hole and came face to face with Kurt Weller. There were two cups of coffee on his hands and the dark circles under his eyes were probably a match to hers. Apparently sleep wasn't evading just her.

That or he surely needed to check his watch before knocking on someone's door at this ungodly hour.

"What are you doing here? You should be resting." – Her eyes moved to his neck, the white bandage with a little bit of blood and back to his.

"Can I come in?"

She moved aside to let him in, taking the cup he offered her on his way. Coffee wasn't going to help her sleep but his presence there and whatever he had to say would probably blow away any chance of it happening.

He looked around her safe house, his eyes resting for a few seconds on the wall she had hung some drawings of her tattoos before finishing his checkout and resting them on hers. In another time, another month, she would smile at his constant need to make sure she was safe, wherever she might be.

"I couldn't sleep." – He shrugged, as if finally remembering she had asked a question. Taking a sip of his coffee, his eyes remained trained on her.

She was different. He knew it, had realized it after she stood him up at the park. At first, he thought she was panicking after their kiss but as the days passed and the cases rolled, he knew it was something else entirely. And today, after the stunt she pulled and the restless hours he just spent in bed, rolling over and over with images of her vanishing from his life, forcing him to lose her all over again haunting him, he was determined to find it all out.

His heavy gaze was making her unnerving. Clearing her throat, she also took a sip of her beverage.

"I'm not sure how I can help you with that."

 _What did he really want?_

"I couldn't sleep because all I could think about was how you were gone most of the day. Or how that guy had his gun in your head, ready to kill you right in front of me. I close my eyes, Jane, and that's all I see."

"Kurt…" – She whispered, closing her eyes so she didn't have to see his pained ones. She was responsible for this too, for hurting him over and over again. And he didn't even know the whole truth yet. When she reopened them, he was in her personal space, the cup of coffee gone from both their hands.

"After finding you alive in that ship, after you shot that guy, all I wanted to do was hold you but I couldn't, could I, Jane? We are too complicated. Isn't it what we say to ourselves?"

She could see the anger in his eyes, the weariness and the devotion. All of it for her or because of her. He was so beautiful, this man who would sacrifice everything for her, so damn beautiful inside and out that it was times like this she understood the reason his name was on her back. The reason she specifically chose him. How could she not?

She suddenly felt tired of everything. Of these secrets she kept. Of this burden she was carrying alone. Tired of keeping her distance from this amazing man. Forgetting all the reasons why she shouldn't, she threw herself at him, glad when he didn't miss a beat and caught her in his arms.

The contact with his solid body was an instant relief, something so familiar it felt like coming home. His wide palms touched her back, pulling her impossibly closer.

How she had missed him.

They stayed locked in each other's embrace for minutes that felt like hours. If it was up to her, she'd spend the rest of her life just like this. No more tattoos. No more secret agendas. Just her and his perfect arms and this perfect moment.

"Promise me you'll never leave like that again, Jane." – He tightened his hold on her, daring her not to.

"I can't promise that."

"Jane…"

She took a step back, looking him dead in the eyes so that he could understand.

"I'll do whatever it takes to protect you, Kurt."

He seemed ready to argue, to convince her somehow that she was wrong, that she didn't have to protect him from anything. Something in her determined expression stopped him.

"Besides, you wouldn't promise me to stay in your damn hospital bed next time, would you?" – Her fingers lightly traced the bandage before noticing what she was doing and taking her hand back.

"What would you have done, Jane, if you were me?" – He echoed her words back at her, a smug little smile on his lips when she sighed, knowing he had her there.

"Exactly the same thing."

He nodded, following her with his eyes as she moved towards the kitchen. Opening a cupboard, she retrieved a bottle of bourbon and two glasses. When she was done pouring each a dose, she handed him one.

"I lied to you." – Kurt stated calmly, his eyes studying her carefully. This is what he had planned to start saying, to take them back to the night after she kissed him and see what he could uncover.

She stared at him, almost laughing out loud after his statement. He lied to her? He? What could he have possibly lied to her about that was worst than all the lies she had been keeping to herself?

 _Oh, Kurt. If only you knew what lying is all about._

"I went to the park that night. I waited for you to show up for hours."

She opened her mouth to say something but closed after realizing she had nothing at all to add. Damn him. Damn him and his constant need to shield her from everything, including from himself.

"Why did you lie about it?" – She finally asked.

"I was trying to give you an out. You seemed off that day, after the kiss. I thought you were panicking about it or regretting it."

It was on the tip of her tongue to confess kissing him was the only fucking thing she didn't regret doing since crawling out of that bag in Time Square.

She kept silent, wanting anxiously for what he had to say and at the same time, almost running to her bedroom and locking the door behind her. It might be all too much.

"As the days passed, you kept closed off, distant and then I realized it had nothing to do with us. It was something else entirely. I could see it in your eyes. How could you go from bold-I-will-see-you-tomorrow Jane to this different person overnight? Something happened. Am I right, Jane? Just tell me. I'll help you with whatever you need."

"Kurt…" – She took a deep breath. She had to think her way out of this. How? How could she convince him to drop this line of questioning?

 _Lie again, Jane. Lie. Lie. Lie._

"And don't you dare lie to me." – He lifted an accusing finger, as if reading her mind. – "I know you, Jane. Let me help you."

"You don't know me, Kurt! You don't know me at all!" – She snapped, shouted, almost throwing her glass at the closest wall just for the pleasure and relief it would bring. – "I'm… I'm a terrible person. You should just… You should get away from me."

If it wasn't all so tragic, she'd smile at how he did exactly the opposite, taking a step closer to her. Suddenly, she was very glad the kitchen countertop was between them.

"And I've told you this before: you are not. Is this about Carter? I heard Fischer's questions. I don't believe a single word about what he said concerning you, but I checked the evidence. Something is missing from that night. What happened?"

"Stop it. Just… stop it. You need to leave. Now." – She started to move towards the front door and realized her mistake the minute his hand closed on her wrist, effectively stopping her.

His blue eyes searched hers and for the first time, he saw something else there. Something he hadn't taken into consideration before.

"You are afraid of something." – She averted her eyes, trying to break from his grasp. It only made him tighten it. – "Or of someone. What the hell is happening, Jane?"

Her mind was racing. She wouldn't escape his questions and it probably was past the time to tell him everything but they couldn't do it there. Not when Oscar's team – _her_ team, her mind corrected – could be listening. She was pretty sure her whole safe house was under surveillance.

If they knew Kurt knew, they would kill him.

"You are not escaping this conversation, Jane."

Making a plan, she only hoped he could follow it. Putting a finger to her lips, she indicated he shouldn't fight her on this. She then proceeded to indicate her ears and then the house and it took only a second for him to get it, his eyes widening in surprise.

"Fine. Can we talk about it later? I'm exhausted. Not 12 hours ago you were in a hospital bed. You take the couch. I'll take a shower and rest. And we'll discuss everything during breakfast."

"Won't you sneak out while I'm sleeping?"

She felt like punching him in the face.

"No, Weller. I promise."

"Ok, then. Let's get some rest."

"I'll get you some pillows and a blanket. Be right back." – She pointed the couch and he went there, lying down and waiting for her return. A thousands scenarios ran through his hands.

She was back before he could choose the one less crazy.

"Good night, Kurt."

"Night, Jane."

She put her hand up, next to her lips, clearly showing him three fingers and mouthed minutes. She then pointed her bedroom. He just nodded. He'd find her there in exact three minutes.

* * *

Jane worked her way around the bathroom as calmly as she would if taking a shower was her goal. The shower was running and for once, she was glad the damn thing was old and creaked every minute. The rubber mat just right under it would also provide the noise she needed.

Both doors – her bedroom's and the one just behind her - were not all closed so he could enter without making a sound.

Three minutes later he made his appearance and she knew it was now or never.

"Don't talk too loud." – She warned him when he opened his mouth.

Taking his hand, she pulled him inside to the shower box, moving him until his back was against the farthest wall from the shower itself. She wasn't able to dismantle it and check for a listening device but if there was one, it would be there or in the counter and where they were was enough away from both these places.

His incredulous expression would be comic if the situation wasn't so desperate.

"What the hell is going on, Jane?" – He hissed, not quite believing their predicament.

"Carter is dead." – His eyes snapped to hers.

"What?"

"While I was walking back home after kissing you that night, three men jumped me. They kidnapped me and took me to an abandoned warehouse. Carter was there."

"That son of a," – Kurt made to move and Jane grabbed his arms, keeping him in place.

"I'm fine, Kurt." – He mirrored her position, touching her upper arm. – "Just listen, okay? I need you to just listen or I won't be able to go through it."

He mutely acquiesced.

So she told him everything. About how she was tortured. About how a guy named Oscar had saved her, killed Carter and that he was the ex-fiancé she once told him about. About the video and how she had planned everything: from the tattoos to the memory wipe down to specifically choosing him.

About Oscar telling her she really was Taylor Shaw but how she still couldn't feel like she was. About Orion and her supposed death. About swapping Mayfair's pen for an exact match. About the crazy guy coming after her the day before.

About how she believed these people she was previously involved with were watching her every move, even inside her house.

When she finally finished, she hung her head, not daring to look up at him anymore. A lot of emotions had crossed his face during her speech: surprise, disbelief, anger, sadness, more anger, more disbelief and more anger.

"I did this to myself, Kurt." – She said one more, so she could believe it one more time. So he could hate her a little bit more. – "I did this to all of you too. It's all my fault. I'm so, so sorry."

He kept wordless for minutes where his presence was almost suffocating her. They were not touching anymore but there was barely an inch separating them. Confessing all of this with him so close was certainly the worst decision she had made in this new life.

"Why didn't you tell me?" – He asked quietly, his voice dripping with a mix of sadness and controlled anger. The fact that he could not yell at her made her decision not so bad after all.

"At first because I needed time to understand everything, to access if it was all really true but I soon realized Oscar's information couldn't be completely trusted. I'm still not sure if half the things he told me are true or not."

"And then?"

"One night I told him I wouldn't betray my team. I wanted out of this whole insanity but they threatened to kill you if I didn't go along with the plan."

She looked at him then, wanting him to fully comprehend her next words.

"I won't let them. I promise you. They will not hurt you."

"Expect they already did, Jane." – He pointed his injury.

Her eyes filled with tears, a dread falling upon her, images of him bleeding out entering her mind.

One day she could be too late to save him.

"That wasn't really them. If they wanted you dead, they wouldn't miss. I won't let that happen. I'll follow every order they give me. I'll do anything, Kurt, even if it means I have to leave."

"Stop it, Jane!" – He didn't shout but it felt like it. His hands were back on her arms and she let herself hope that maybe he didn't hate her so much. – "We are in this together, remember?"

Among all the things she envisioned him saying after this conversation – and she had thought about it _a lot_ -, this definitely wasn't one of them.

"Are we? After everything I've just told you, how can you say that? You should report it to the FBI. Fischer was right, Kurt. I am a mole somehow. I don't deserve a place on your team."

"Don't get me wrong, Jane. Part of me is begging me to just get the hell out of here, go straight to the FBI and tell Mayfair everything. I'm pissed, Jane. I feel betrayed, used, just a pawn in your game. I feel as if everything that happened between us these past months was all a lie."

"It wasn't, Kurt. Please believe me." – She reached for his arms again, anchoring herself to him, desperate to make him see that what happened between them was the only real and true thing in her life.

"I know, Jane. That's the problem. While a part of me just wants to run away from you and this mission of yours, another part is aware you don't have any memory of being this woman from before. The one that planned everything. You were a blank page from the start. I know that. I believe that. And,"

He sighed, not believing what he was about to say.

"And I believe in this woman. I believe you didn't actively put any of us in danger because you couldn't know, Jane. You couldn't _remember_. You didn't deceive us on purpose because you didn't even know how to do it. I also believe you chose me for a reason, whatever that may be and when you did, you made us part of this. Together."

"Kurt…" – She couldn't trust herself to speak. Did he just say all of it? Was he really still here, with her, after everything?

He was unbelievable.

"Maybe your friends are right about some things. We can't tell anyone at the FBI. I don't trust a single person with this secret. Do you understand me?"

She remembered how he was struggling with something related to Mayfair months ago. Only now she wondered if it had any relation with her tattoos.

"Yes, I understand. And you have to pretend I didn't tell you anything, even when we are alone. We can't risk it. I won't risk you."

"You won't have to."

"Why don't you hate me right now, Kurt?" – She had to ask. For weeks, she wanted to share this burden with him but the thought of him despising her was too much to bear.

"Despite what you think of yourself, Jane, you _are_ a good person. I've known it from the beginning. I still know it now. What you told me doesn't change it. I trust you to always do the right thing because doing the right and selfless thing is second nature to you."

She felt the tears returning to her eyes and this time, she didn't try to stop them. She let it flow, feeling lighter than she felt in days. A weight was just lift from her shoulders and she had no one to thank but him.

His hands on her face startled her and their eyes met again, his much softer now. Much more Kurt.

"We'll figure it out, ok, Jane?"

She hugged him in response, burying her face against his shoulder. He let her stay there for a while, his hands now caressing her hair and taking as much comfort as she was getting.

"There is only one thing I don't really understand."

She pushed back, dread filling her once again.

"This Oscar… I don't know how he could do it."

"He did it, he is _doing_ it, all with my help. I just told you that."

"No. Not the plan." – He leaned forward, his blue eyes burning into hers, as if he could see her very soul. – "You. I can't understand how he could give _you_ up. Let you wipe all your memories, forget your whole life and deliver yourself to the FBI with dangerous missions literally all over your skin. If he loved… loves… you, how could he wittingly lose you like this?"

She felt more tears sprang in her eyes and had to bite her lip to control herself, to not make a sound.

"I, uh…" – She cleared her throat. She had never thought about this whole thing this way. – "Maybe he didn't have a choice in the matter?"

"We always have a choice, Jane." – He framed her face with his hands, looking at her lips. – "I would never let you do it. I would never let you go."

Looking up, he found her eyes spilling with tears. The next thing he knew, her mouth was on his, kissing him with every fiber of being. She poured everything she felt for him in one soul shattering kiss.

"I will never let you go, Jane." – He whispered against her lips and for the first time in what felt like forever, she smiled.

A real, happy smile.

"I feel the same way, Kurt. I'm sorry if I let you believe otherwise."

He smiled too and she promised to herself in that moment she would make everything in her power to make him smile like that at least once a day.

"Thank you for staying by my side, Kurt."

"There is no other place I'd rather be, Jane."

She smiled again, knowing where he was coming from, sure that she would choose him over and over again to do this with her. He really was the right guy for the job.

The _only_ guy for the job.

Kissing him one more time, she pulled back and with a sassy smile – much like the one she gave him that night – she murmured: "See you tomorrow."

When she turned her back to him, to exit the shower stall, he grabbed her arm and turned her back to him.

"You will. And every day after that too."

There was a confidence and a promise in his eyes that made her shiver.

"I'm looking forward to it."

"You better be."

Kissing his lips one last time, she turned the shower off, soundless opened the door and waited for him to step outside.

Tomorrow would bring new challenges. They still had to figure out the logistics of this new found partnership between them and find a way to talk about it openly and without whispering. And she really, really hoped tomorrow would bring more kisses and more hugs and more Kurt.

She had really missed him.

After weeks of barely wanting to get out of bed, Jane could not wait for what tomorrow would bring.

She and Kurt would be together.

In every sense of the word.

 _Finally_.


End file.
